Month / August 2016

by Girlinbluue

Anger

Dear Lord,

2015,

That was the year when I woke up.

It was the year when I couldn’t suppress the hurt anymore. It came to the point where I just broke.

I remember the days before this group, I was cheerful, optimistic and I was confident in who I was.

In less than 5 years this group pushed me down a dark and dangerous hole.

This hole consisted of suicidal thoughts, unbearable pain, self loathing, self-hate, bathtubs of tears and the stripping of the part of me I loved.

They took away my confidence and my optimism. They stole precious years from me and gave me insecurities I never thought I’d ever have. They made me feel worthless like I was nothing and worst of all, they just left me in that hole to rot.

So I was angry.

For a long time I was angry because I wanted to be. I didn’t want them to think they deserved anything more than hate. I felt I owed it to my younger self not to give in and not to let go. But I was tired, I was so tired of being angry. It just gave me more pain and sent me further away from the person I was and  wanted to be again.

So God, I’m giving you my anger, I’m giving you my pain, I’m giving you everything I have because I just want peace. I don’t want to waste another night dwelling on the past. Give me rest, bring me back to you so that I can stop looking at myself and start focusing on you. Your love is so great and so amazing that it is embarrassing for me to be angry at anyone. It’s been way to long and I’m sorry for not coming clean sooner.

Please forgive me for all the anger I let consume me all this time.

“‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”
Ephesians 4:26

In Jesus’s precious name I pray, Amen

You’re worth too much to let anger control you.

Girlinbluue Out